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The Diet Secret No One is Talking About

Some years ago, I was talking with my doctor about nutrition after menopause. I was frustrated that I couldn’t find a way for my body to release weight after menopause.   Sometimes I am overly sensitive when I hear recommendations of a new diet or a magical food exclusion -  I have abused myself with ultra-restrictive diets over the years.  And the doc said the most profound thing.  I knew it to be true from my experience but to hear it come out of her mouth.....

"It is not about diet (the foods we eat), that part is simple.   It is how we feel about foods that we need to eat in order to feel good or release weight that hangs us up."

That really is the issue. It’s not about eating “keto” or “whole food”, nor is it about intermittent fasting or no sugar or no gluten or whatever you are doing or have done to lose weight or improve your health.... It is the associated set of emotions that makes it feel too hard, makes us feel like diet failures.  You know which ones I mean - the feelings of being deprived or restricted.  The feelings of being punished.  The feelings of being left out.

It is really what I figured out for myself as I solved my own emotional eating issue and as I have worked with countless others to do the same.... it is how we feel about it and what we believe to be true.  This is why I do what I do.

If you have followed me you know that I walked away from the "party" life of drugs, alcohol and hanging out in bars back in 1987.  It was more than a lifestyle;  I had a fundamental belief that the only way to have fun and feel release was to be in those places, doing those things.  I knew I was paying a price for it but the price wasn't high enough to make me want to change anything

But then the day came when I understood just how much all that fun could cost – when a dear and very close cousin of mine was tragically killed in a car accident.  All those things – the alcohol, drugs and the corresponding lifestyle – the true price became excruciatingly clear.

So – despite my fear of change, of doing things differently and possibly never having “fun” again, I began to seek new ways of finding release, excitement and adventure.  The way I felt about that lifestyle changed.

The same is really true for food.  

How do you feel about changing the foods you eat?  It is the big question, but let’s take it apart. 

  1. How do you feel when you stop eating cookies, ice cream, pizza, whatever those foods are that you believe you can no longer eat in order to have the health or dress size you desire. 
  2. How do you feel when you start eating whole foods, foods as close to how they are grown as possible?

Sit with both questions for a while.  Both are duking it out in your psyche, and they each have negative and positive connotations. We are quick to just look at one aspect, the side we believe we are "supposed to believe or embrace" without honoring, exploring, investigating the other side.

Common feelings and fears that my clients have shared are:

  • deprived
  • punished
  • left out
  • afraid you won't have fun
  • afraid you will be bored
  • boring
  • loss of companionship as you share meals, favorite foods
  • isolated and alone
  • lose the adventure of finding the best....whatever kind of food you seek out
  • weird or different, as you no longer eat like your friends
  • like something is wrong with you because you can't eat like “normal” people
  • afraid of messing up, having to do it perfectly
  • you will not experience pleasure 
  • you won't experience joy
  • disappointed by the foods you can eat
  • anxious about doing it right or what others think
  • judged for what you are or not eating or what you do or do not weigh
  • judgmental of yourself or others for their reaction or response

Typically we just go on the latest "diet" (changing the foods we choose to consume).  We are excited and hopeful that this one will be THE diet that works, so our willpower and excitement pull us through for a couple of weeks.  Ah, but then we hit up against the feelings. Just like the iceberg under the Atlantic that ripped out the hull of the Titanic, we don’t even see them or, if we do happen to spot one, we think we can get around it.  We don't even realize what is happening, we think we are weak willed, we lose our resolve and  end up "failing". 

Honestly, willpower will only carry you so far.  Most of us never acknowledge, let alone question the feelings going on about the health changes we are making.  We allow the scale to be our indicator of success, which isn't our best but that's a different topic to tackle.

Years ago I began studying and implementing processes that integrated and resolved resistant feelings and beliefs.  Our resistance to changing our feelings and beliefs – this is truly what hangs us up!  Acceptance is key to sustainable lifestyle change.  

Please take the time to explore the questions I mentioned above. 

  1. Give yourself grace as you implement changes. 
  2. Find something fun to do today.  
  3. Write down three things you are grateful for as gratitude always makes the world a better place.
  4. Remind yourself you can and will change your lifestyle habits.  People give up drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, foods, lose weight, start exercising, etc. every day.  Maybe you haven’t found your way of doing it yet – but you know in your heart that you can and will find your solution.

In case someone hasn't told you today, I love you. I love that are you searching for answers and not giving up today.  I love that you love yourself enough to keep trying even amongst the failures, you still have hope. 



Tammy Marshall is a dynamic and passionate Speaker, Writer and Christ Follower, Tammy works diligently to provide tools for her clients to experience emotional freedom and end their suffering.

At age 14 Tammy knew she was to help others “get out” but didn’t know exactly what that meant. But after overcoming her own addictions at age 25 and walking out the journey of emotional eating, co-dependency, etc. she began to work with others to “get out”. Today not only does she understand what it is it to get out of a damaging lifestyle, belief system and mind set but has created a method to teach others.

She is the creator of The UnEmotional Eater program.  She is a certified EFT and AAIT Practitioner utilizing leading edge technology to resolve suffering.  She is committed to shining the truth of God’s love into every lie planted in a person’s life to steal their identity and their joy.    




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