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Episode 129 The Dairy of an Emotional Eater: The Ugly Truth and Testimony

Uncategorized Aug 20, 2019
 

Good morning how you all doing? My name is Tammy Marshall, I'm the creator of the Unemotional Eater Protocol

Apparently, today is testimony day. What you all don't know is that I have this little conversation with God in the shower every day. So, I asked him this morning what are we going to talk about and it's kind of piggybacking off of a conversation that I got in on with Facebook Messenger yesterday. There was a lady that I just sent her a little message that said, “How are you doing?”. She wasn't doing okay. So, I just started sharing what I did and when you know people just in the virtual world, you don't really realize what goes on in people's lives; you just see all the shiny stuff. We don't see the snot-slinging, crying, heartbreaking stuff.

That's part of my story; I honestly, I thought I had it all together and that I was all that and a bag of chips. I don't know, it's been forever ago now, I met this guy I thought he was my prince charming and he turned out to be more than the toad. I made a lot of financial decisions based on false data. That boy couldn’t tell the truth if it just jumped up and bit him. The hardship in that is, I continued to want to believe him, even when he presented evidence otherwise. I proceeded to make decisions based on false data, when he had done the same thing over and over. So, I can be mad at him till the cows come home, but I did THAT to myself.

When all that blew up; happy 50th birthday, you get to go through a divorce, menopause and bankruptcy, all at the same time that was special. I was wiped out, he never missed a beat, he walks out better than he came in and ….
I was wiped.
• I didn't think that was going to happen to me;
• I thought I was too smart,
• I thought I knew too much,
• I thought blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and the reality was,

God and I we're going to a new level. I didn't exactly sign up for it knowingly, but if you make this commitment to Christ, sometimes that's kind of how that looks, because he's going to work out anything that you have placed between you and him.
It was dark and I don't talk about that publicly. I will talk about that privately all day. But for whatever reason the Lord said, “We were going to talk about THAT today.”

I want to talk about what I did.

Because traditionally what we do is…
• I kept ruminating on the problem;
• I just kept spewing everything that he did,
• how hurt I was, all my losses.

I was just ruminating in that…

but I had to get something different on my tongue. What I know is life and death is in the tongue; it's Scripture and there is life in the word, Scripture. I had to get scripture on my tongue and there's about three little pivotal things that happened.

God and I started having this little thing, where he would come by and whisper in my ear, “Do you trust me? Do you trust me?” and I would give him my Sunday school answer, “Of course I trust you, Lord.” That's what we're supposed to say. We're supposed to trust God, but the reality was I didn't. So, one day he came by and said, “Do you trust me?” and I said, “No, I don't. Look at this mess. I've done everything I'm supposed to do, I've dedicated my whole life to serving you and look at this mess. I am in worse shape, none of this has even mattered. I am I'm in worse shape than I've ever been, from following you. Just be away from me. I don't even want a part of you anymore, God.” and all of a sudden God let me feel what it was to be separated from him. There was just this darkness, this vast black darkness, like this abyss and I knew the feeling of being separated from the love of God and it still is so like, oh my gosh! Took my breath away and I kept saying, “I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn’t mean it.” I just kept going, “I'm so sorry Lord, I'm so sorry, I don't want to be separated from you, I don't know what this is, but I don't want to not serve you, I don't want to not be with you.” So, of course the Lord restored it immediately. I don't know why God is so patient with me, because we're not supposed to test Him.

Anyway, in that moment, I knew at a completely different level, that it was me and God. I wasn't going anywhere; I didn't have anywhere else to go and I was going to have to duke this out. I started getting scripture on my tongue and I camped out on, “I have not been given a spirit of fear, but a power love and a sound mind” and I would just say that over and over and over.

Back then, I was doing EFT, which is tapping. So, I'm walking the floor saying “I've not been given a spirit of fear, but power of love and a sound mind. I have a sound mind, I have the mind of Christ, I have the power of love, I have a powerful spirit.” I just kept saying that over and over and over and over. I swear if Alexa had been tapping in on me right then, I'm telling you, the guys in the white jackets would have shown up, because I looked like a crazy woman. But, I knew that I had to get something different on my tongue and I had to speak life over myself.

Another thing that happened in all that, don't catch me on chronological, because all this was just happening and I don't know what happened in what order, but I was at a little event one night at somebody's house and I'm just talking to this woman. If you don't know me, I am NOT someone that - I was raised in the great state of Texas - I have this little presence about me. People don't get in my face, I kind of have this persona of I'm real nice, but you know hmm and so all of a sudden I'm talking to this woman and she turns her chair getting nose to nose with me, looking me in the eye. She says, “I just want you to repeat after me: I choose life, I choose to live”.
I'm thinking, This is stupid but I just said it, which is odd for me. She said, “Again: I choose life, I choose to live. I choose life, I choose to live” and I kept saying it over and over; and I could feel all this ick just falling off of me.
I did not realize, that I had gotten an agreement with death. I'm not sure if I was going to make it out of that situation mentally, had I not encountered her. Had I not had that encounter with the Lord, where I knew what it was to be separated from him and I did not want to ever experience that again.
If I had not had enough knowledge to get word on my tongue, I don't know that I would have made it out. Do I have all these really awesome tools, that I've spent all these years studying? Absolutely! They've changed so many things in my life, but I never want to discount in any way, the power of the word of God. Even the fact that you know I have muscle today, from doing what I call going to the mat. Because I had to go fight for my life, for lots of reasons.

I've helped tons of people in my life, there was no way that I wanted to fail. Fail would have been to go back to drinking or to kill myself. I didn't want to fail and let them think that it was false or that God didn't work or that this stuff that we did didn't work, because it did work, and I knew it. So, I gutted it out for them, I gutted it out for myself, I gutted it out for my son. I just kept using the tools that I knew.

There is life and death is in the tongue and there is life in the word. Please don't ever discount that. All the other tools, all the other things I do are on top of knowing who I am in Christ. I just needed to tell you that, because at the end of the day that's who I follow.

Go love on somebody today. I'm going to tell you, this process is truly why - I spent a life serving God, but I did not love me. I only got so deep into this process and that's on me, that's not on the processes.

This has been, is about truly getting down to a cellular level, knowing who I am in Christ, knowing that I am loved, loving myself. All that drama, all the things that I have done and all the things that I haven't. Loving and accepting myself anyway. Loving and accepting myself no matter what I eat or don't eat, no matter what I weigh or don't weigh. No matter whether my arms are flabby in my 50s or not. I still love me, because out of that place, it's the outpouring of our hearts. That's the place where we can serve God. That's the place where we go love others. That's just a completely different place.

I don't know where you are on your journey, but I just encourage you to just press in at a deeper level. If food has you by the throat, like it had me, I just want to let you know that that's a lie. It doesn't have that kind of power. I gave it all that power, I claimed back my power and so can you.

I’ll just tell you to go love on somebody today. It's a big bad crazy world, I always say this, and people just need to know that there is love, goodness and kindness in the world. Let it start with you, but also let that loving, goodness, kindness be from you to you. Sometimes, when you're the one who takes care of everybody else, you forget to take care of yourself. You can't go help other people when you're dragging your leg along. So, love on somebody; open a door, smile, act to kindness, go leave an extra tip for some waitress who's being snarly today, go love on somebody when they don't deserve it.

By our standards, they don't deserve it. Now, that's not God's standards, but by our standards. Go give them an extra dose of love and kindness and grace. Be blessed. see you all soon.

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