Episode 130 The Diary of an Emotional Eater: Whatever You Resist Persists
Aug 21, 2019
Hey, good morning. My name is Tammy Marshall. I'm the UnEmotional Eater, or at least I'm the creator of The UnEmotional Eater Protocol. How you all doing?
The conversation this morning, as I was doing meditation, was about resistance. Somebody sent me an email yesterday and it breaks my heart when I watch somebody suffer; it just absolutely is so hard. It’s this suffering that we do with food; I honestly do not think anything has done more - and I said this kind of as a joke but not entirely - there is nothing that has done more to destroy women's self-esteem than dieting. Not even our narcissistic boyfriend, ex-husbands. Not entirely, but on some level; because I don’t know about you all, but I have spent an entire lifetime fighting food. Fighting my willpower, fighting my desires, fighting the compulsion of, and you're fighting it on both ends. That's what we're really going to talk about today.
We spend so much time fighting both ends of the spectrum. Whatever we resist is going to persist.
I’m going to tell my donut story: Years ago, I don't know, probably 12 years ago or something. I went to multiple Kripsy Kreme Donuts that day to get a dozen donuts because I didn't want one place knowing how many donuts I was eating. I would feel ashamed about that, but I know that there's plenty of you all that are on here that totally get it. There are some of you who go, “What?”
Then of course you have to throw away your evidence before you go home because you don’t want anybody to know how much you've been eating. You’re always fighting up against your desire to eat the donut. I'm just going to use the donut as an example because we all have our foods that we’re attached to. You're always fighting up against it and then that feeling that once you consume it, you're off to the races. That's what I was taught in the recovery world. This belief that once I ingested sugar, the phenomenal craving was going to take place and I was going to be off to the races.
Standing here right now sister, I'm going to tell you that is just not true. That once I got ahold of what I have now, it just wasn't true but you're fighting always yourself. At the same time, you've been to every diet thing on the plane. What came up in our class this week was about believing that when you're on a diet, when you're doing “good”, you're supposed to eat raw carrots and lettuce.
So, we have this resistance to eating the raw carrots and lettuce is actually just as strong as the attachment to the doughnuts. We never go and look at that. We are in a double bind; we're fighting on both ends of the spectrum. We can't win and as long as you're in that space, you're going to do the path of least resistance, which is to go back to the doughnuts. Because that's the thing I do, so I'm going to do that.
When I came to understand the law of polarities, because that's really what I'm working with now; is that once you integrated both ends of the spectrum you were balanced.
Let me just go back to over the law polarities - we live in a dual world where there is always both going on at the same time; there's a front and a back, there's a left and a right, there's an up and a down, there's a north and a South. Both sides are going on at the same time and what happens is we get drawn over to one end, we're attached to it, so we're out of balance.
When I started understanding how to integrate them, then they no longer had charge. How that plays out - it's funny, because I was talking one of my friends yesterday about my little donut story. Years later, I did marketing for a treatment center and I would go buy ten or fifteen dozen donuts at a time at Krispy Kreme. I wouldn't think anything about that. It's so funny how I had all that shame and guilt, I was trying to hide out when I was consuming all those donuts. Then later on I'm buying those same donuts in large quantities and those people don't think anything about that at all. That was all a made-up story that I had in my head.
The other thing that happened is the last time I did have a donut was on my birthday because that's what I wanted. I had A doughnut. Pause, pause, pause, a donut. What I was taught in the recovery world is once you took in the sugar that the phenomenon of craving was going to take off and you were going to be off to the races. However, that’s not what happened; I had a donut, I enjoyed the fire out of it.
That’s another lesson, when you're in that whole diet mindset, that whole shame guilt and remorse, you're eating it, but you're not enjoying it because you're shaming yourself the whole time. “I should be eating this; I shouldn't be doing this”. Oh, no uh-uh, when I want something, I go get it and I enjoyed the fire out of it. What happens in that? It takes all the resistance and all the charge, so I am no longer fighting the food. That's the name of the game, we cease fighting anyone, anything. We cease fighting it.
It just breaks my heart when I watch all these women berate themselves, because they don't have enough willpower to resist the doughnut and what happens is you resist this, you resist that and then it explodes; because nobody wants to live in that space.
I hope that helps. I would love to have your comments about this whole whatever you resist, persists. About the law of polarity and questions, whatever. It is just time for us to take our power back, we have allowed the diet industry and the media - every little girl is sitting and every grown woman, right, is sitting there comparing her body to some Photoshop picture and berating herself, I am sick of it. We have to take our power back, we're not going and doing the other things we need to do in the world, because we're so wrapped up in this and feeling so condemned, shamed and belittled over this. So, we're taking our power back by storm.
Leave your comments about all that below, because I love to hear from you all. It helps me, so I know even what you all want to hear about. The other thing I'm going to tell you is, it's a big crazy world out there, I tell you this every day. Go love on somebody today. I will always tell you to go love on yourself first, not in some selfish, self-centered kind of way, but in a caring, kind way. We can't help other people when we're dragging along ourselves. At least, we can only do it for so long and so we've been doing this wrong. Anyway, go love on somebody today. It doesn't take much to smile, to open a door, put somebody's cart back, pay for somebody's coffee. I don't know, Starbucks is a little crazy, but anyway just go love on somebody today. Be the love and kindness that people need to see in the world, there's a lot going on and we need to quit fighting each other and just love one another. So, be blessed, see you soon.
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