Episode 132 The Diary of an Emotional Eater: Self Sabotaging False Goal Setting
Good morning, my name is Tammy Marshall and I'm the creator of The UnEmotional Eater Academy.
I've been going back and listening to some of Dan Kennedy's work; Dan Kennedy is a writer; he writes a lot of ad copy. He's just a genius in business and he's on his deathbed, he may have passed by now.
Anyway, I was going back. He's impacted so many lives, we don't even realize that he's impacted our lives. But in what I was listening to he was talking about goal setting, and it just really hit me.
I realized the whole diet world has just destroyed women's self-esteem and part of that is, we set these goals that we aren’t really not in alignment with. Part of it is because we have these beliefs that the diet industry has taught us. I'm teaching a class right now about the beliefs and what I call bug fixes and upgrades. We are focused on what we need to do in our mindset to really become healthy, strong women. I think some of us have gotten out of the old idea our body has to look a certain way or be a certain size, but that the real goal is just to be healthy.
In group this week we talked about how we had this belief; if you were going to weigh a certain weight or be a certain size, you had to eat carrots and lettuce.
Follow me here, we set these weight goals; you go to Jenny Craig or LA Weight Loss or whatever the flavor of the day is, and we set these goals that we're going to lose X amount of weight. “Okay, I'm going to eat these prepackaged meals every day, which is all fake boxed food and I'm going to eat my snacks and I'm going to drink this much water and I'm going to do this.”
When you and I know good and well that, NO, I don't really want to do that. I believe I “should” do that, but I'm not really, completely committed to doing that. Maybe for I don't know…. 30 minutes, maybe that's just me. Then what happens because we think that's what we “should” do, we muster up our willpower to kind of gut our way through it. But if you're an emotional eater, like a week, three weeks max; life is going to just pile up from you doing it “perfectly” and you're going to go spinning out the back door.
I won't say you, I'll say me; I'd go spinning out the back door and then beat myself up, because I've set this unrealistic expectation of myself and I don't meet the goal. Then I walk away believing that I'm a failure; that I can't do it and that I'm never going to do it.
We get into what I call diet fail cycle. It's not true by the way, we were set up. That's why I use the tools that I do, to help us get in alignment, in agreement, take all the charge out of what I call both ends of the spectrum. I have just as strong a feeling for the binge foods; foods that I'm attached to, the doughnuts, the ice cream, the Milky Way bars, whatever, as I do to the idea that I have to eat carrots and broccoli and lettuce. They both have static to them and this, “I don't want to give this up, but I don't want to do this.”
Part of truly goal-setting and getting in alignment with the goals, is that it's truly goals that you want, truly goals that are not ‘shoulds’, but are what you truly want and what you truly believe. My whole deal is helping you get your heart, your head and your mouth, getting everything in alignment, so it's not work, it's not willpower, it's easy. There's plenty of room. That's really the goal. So, if you've let diets destroy your self-esteem, I'm just going to tell you, don't, you've been set up to fail.
I'm also going to tell you go love on yourself today.
We were talking last night in the class about how I have this whole routine where I just started looking in the mirror. It's an old Louise Hay exercise, where you look in the mirror, then you look in your eyes and then you look into one eye while saying I love you. This is where the mantra showed up “I’m going to stand here and love you, no matter what you eat or don’t eat, no matter what you weigh or don’t weigh, I’m going to stand here and love you”.
I started out doing the exercise spewing very ugly mean things to myself like worse than middle school, mean girl stuff. As I did that, my heart began to soften to myself and I became very committed to doing whatever it took to get me out of the paradigm that I was in. Just making that commitment to myself, to just love myself no matter what I weigh or don't weigh, no matter what I eat or don't eat today. I would just say I'm going to stand here and love you.
If you've struggled with weight and just the disappointment of losing weight, gaining it back, thinking you're going to, not losing anything; there's so much disappointment that we create over food and our bodies and all that. Something changed in the process, just standing there saying I'm going to love you, no matter what it takes, I'm going to help you get out of this.
Being in collaboration with myself, rather than beating myself up for where I was; whether it was about whatever the compulsion of the food was that day or whatever the scale said that day. Getting outside of that paradigm and just being committed to me. There aren’t any princes coming on a white horse at this point in life. But the delusion that somebody is going to come rescue you or get you out, that is a complete delusion that they're selling over at Disney.
Go love on you today and go love on other people. I tell you all the time, it's a big crazy world out there and people just need to know that there's love and there's kindness and there's goodness still left in the world. So, go be the light and love for somebody today. I love you all have a blessed day, blessings.