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Getting Rid of “WHY”: How One Simple Question Keeps Us Stuck (Part One)

Uncategorized May 06, 2019

When I was five years old, my father was deployed to Thailand for a year.  The Vietnam conflict was heating up, and our family was just grateful he wasn’t headed there.

In typical “daddy” style, he brought me a present when he returned home.  I was excited that he was coming home, but I was really excited to see what he brought me!   

This time it was a t-shirt with the word “WHY on the front.  It was in that cool 60s font and surrounded by bright flowers.  This little five-year-old hippie chick thought it was the coolest shirt I’d ever seen.  


Now, fast forward into adulthood.  The question of “why?” was fundamental to anything that caused me pain or confusion.

  • Why did my dad leave?
  • Why can't my husband be honest?
  • Why is my co-worker acting like that? 
  • Why can’t I figure this out?
  • Why am I so fat?
  • Why can't I stop eating so much?
  • Why ___________?


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The Diet Secret No One is Talking About

Some years ago, I was talking with my doctor about nutrition after menopause. I was frustrated that I couldn’t find a way for my body to release weight after menopause.   Sometimes I am overly sensitive when I hear recommendations of a new diet or a magical food exclusion -  I have abused myself with ultra-restrictive diets over the years.  And the doc said the most profound thing.  I knew it to be true from my experience but to hear it come out of her mouth.....

"It is not about diet (the foods we eat), that part is simple.   It is how we feel about foods that we need to eat in order to feel good or release weight that hangs us up."

That really is the issue. It’s not about eating “keto” or “whole food”, nor is it about intermittent fasting or no sugar or no gluten or whatever you are doing or have done to lose weight or improve your health.... It is the...

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The Things We Say: Diet Shame 101

I participate in some closed groups on social media, and it makes me sad to see people berate themselves because they feel like they are “failing”. They ate something they weren't "supposed" to eat.  They didn't follow through on an exercise plan. They didn't keep their promise or their word.  So the self-shaming begins....

  • You can't do anything right”
  • What is wrong with you?
  • You are never going to get this”
  • This isn’t going to work for you, nothing works for you”
  • You are an "f" up”, followed immediately by “you always have been” and/or “you always will be”

If you are anything like me, you have probably said this stuff or similar versions of it to yourself too.  It is heartbreaking.  

Take a minute and let me lead you through an exercise to better understand the impact I am talking about.  Think about a child, maybe one of your children or a...

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Liberated From the Obsession of Food, Weight loss, Body Image...Oh my...

I don't know about you but liberated has never been a word that entered my mind around food or my body.  I have felt judged, wrong, less than most of my life.  

This morning I was reading an article about something totally different and the word liberated stood out.  Liberated. 

adjective: liberated

1. (of a person) showing freedom from social conventions or traditional ideas, especially with regard to sexual roles.

"the modern image of the independent, liberated woman"

2. (of a place or people) freed from imprisonment, slavery, or enemy occupation.

"liberated areas of the country"


Anytime a word strikes me I look it up in the dictionary.  A habit I got into years ago.  The definitions really hit me and how I feel about my relationship with food.  

freedom from social conventions or traditional ideas,

freed from imprisonment, slavery, or enemy occupation.

It hasn't always been that...

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The Diary of an Emotional Eater: The restoration of the freedom of choice

Recently I was introduced to intermittent fasting. Being in the post menopause phase of life getting the scales to move sometimes can be daunting. But the shocker has been how easy this way of eating is for me.

But the real shocker when you are an emotional, food obsessed eater? The work I have done on myself, the endless cravings, food compulsions has worked. As I sit here in a fasted stated not eaten anything in over 18 hours I am not hungry.  But even more important I wasn't sitting, staring at the clock when it hit the 18th hour waiting on when I could put a morsel of food in my mouth.  Eating everything in sight because I might not get to eat what I want, when I want it, as the fear of deprivation would overwhelm me.  I am no longer food obsessed. 

If you have never struggled with emotional eating, compulsive eating or felt like a down right food addict then none of what I just said makes any sense.  But if you are or have,  then you...

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When trying to control food just isn't working.

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